2020 marks the end of a decade and instead of recounting lessons learned over the years, let me share with you 5 snobbish yet powerful questions that shaped and guided me in dealing with life’s adversities and insecurities for the past decade.
1. How long will you complain?
Why is her salary higher than mine? Why is she promoted? Why did she receive that favor over me? This is so unfair.
I had my own sets of why, questioning the system, decisions, behaviors etc. But I realized, that no matter what you do, because we have different perspectives, beliefs and experiences, life in one way or another will always be unfair. And if life is unfair, ask yourself, how long do you really intend to complain?
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t encourage apathy by just accepting things as it is. But my point is, there are situations that are beyond our control and understanding. There will always be pros and cons, love and hate, rich and poor. And what’s more important for me is what do you do about your complain? Do you speak up? Do you discuss your concerns to the “right” people? Do you open up about what offended you on your relationship? Do you offer suggestions or actions to make things better?
I always tell myself, if you’re not happy, leave. If you can’t work around the system, your boss, officemates, your partner (after doing everything you can), why stay? Pack up and leave! If you can’t afford to lose your job because your WHY is bigger than your ego, then stop complaining and make things better! If you can’t leave your partner for whatever reason, then try to patch things up and make 1% improvement everyday. Just imagine how sad your life will be if all you’ll do until you die is complain.
2. So?
At work, I always ask my team “soooo…?” not because I’m just being a little biatch or I don’t appreciate what they presented. It’s simply because I want to give more value on the current knowledge and information that they have.
So much time is spent gathering data, studying competition, looking for strengths and weaknesses, tallying numbers and so on. But what’s more important for me is answering the question, “So what are you gonna do with those numbers, those data, those information? What’s your strategy and game plan? How will you use your report to add value to the company or to our clients? If you presented that Plan A is not feasible, then, what’s Plan B or Plan Z?
After having a perfect analysis of a situation such as “Why can’t I save money, why am I not promoted or why can’t I live a healthier life”, just ask yourself, “Sooo…? What the heck am I gonna do with it?” And trust me, it will lead you to think more of the result that you wanted and it will push you to do more of what’s actually needed.
3. What could go wrong?
If you’re in my circle, you would know that I’m one of the most optimistic person who always see the silver lining no matter how bad things are. But when it comes to planning and launching something big like establishing a business, promoting a campaign or jumping into a new milestone, my last question will always be “What could go wrong?”
I’ve seen events and projects with excellent plans. But a single misstep or error ruined it. It was painful. So I trained my mind to prepare for the unexpected and possible setbacks. Preparation can make a big difference between failure and success.
4. So what?
Asking what could go wrong though important, is not a guarantee that things will work out the way you want it to be. Anticipating mishaps and preparing for it is not an assurance of success. Why? Because there are things that are beyond our control.
And in life, you need to accept that no matter how much you prepared, you will fail, you will commit mistakes and you will make decisions that can hurt others. There will be people who will doubt and hate you. You just simply can’t please everybody. And when these unfortunate events happen, just humbly ask yourself, so what?
I used to be hard on myself on the imperfections of my work, relationships and the likes. I overthink and often wish I did things differently. But a few years ago, I was reminded how simple life is. If you hurt others, say sorry. If you commit a mistake, admit and correct it. Own it and learn from it.
If people don’t like you, so what? If people betrayed you, so what? As long as your values are in tact, you’re not stepping on anybody, you’re doing your job and you’re a good person, why bother? Why hate? Why revenge?
Asking “so what?” doesn’t encourage overconfidence or complacency. If used properly, this simple yet powerful question can help you reflect if the problem you’re sucking in your mind and heart is worth it. It can guide you to know what or who really matters. It can spark hope for you to overcome a heartbreak, failure or misfortune. Ask the question “so what?” to help you bounce back with a heart that has forgiven yourself and others.
5. How would I know?
Being in one company for 10 years, I’ve seen people come and go. And every time they seek my advise on what’s best for them, my honest answer is “How would I know?”.
I can always give the pros and cons based on my experience and perspective. But at the end of the day, no one can tell you what’s best for you because no one knows what the future holds. All you can do is analyze the situation, weigh the risks, asses if your actions are aligned to your goals, evaluate how you feel and just trust your guts!
You wouldn’t know if the decision you’ll make is right or wrong. But whatever you’ll choose, you always have the power to make it the “right” decision.
When friends come to me sharing they don’t know what they want in life, are they on the right track or what do I think is best for them, I would just say, “Only you can figure it out. But if you don’t know it yet, it’s okay! And while you’re searching for that, make sure not to throw away the present. You may not love what you’re doing right now but maximize today by trying to absorb all the possible learnings that can help on your development. Build connections, hone your skills, improve your personality, learn from others and establish good habits. So that in the future, when you look back, you know you didn’t waste your time. Instead, you learned and gained so much from this stage of your life. Just trust the process and later on, everything will make sense.”
And as Steve Jobs also said, “You can’t connect the dots by looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards”.
What simple questions do you often ask yourself?
I hope this post encouraged you to rethink how to deal with life’s adversities. Sometimes, instead of coming up with numerous strategies or formula to address life’s challenges, you’ll be surprised that all you need to do is just ask simple questions, for life to give you the best, purest and simplest answer.
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