Pregnancy loss through miscarriage is one of the most profound sorrow that you can ever feel in your life. It’s losing a baby you never got to hold and a child you never got to see.
But no matter how utterly heartbroken you are, choose to move on. The steps I took to recover from my own loss didn’t make me forget but rather it changed me to be better.
1. GRIEVE
Embrace the pain. There’s no shortcut on how to feel better after a miscarriage. Acknowledge the stages of grief if you must. And remember that no one has the right to tell you how you should feel except you.
2. IGNORE
Ignore their comments. Understand that your loved ones’ intentions are good. But since they have no idea how it feels, they’re not aware how comments such as “just try again” or “be careful next time” are pushing you to get hurt even more. They care for you but they just don’t know the right words to say.
3. CHANGE
Change your environment. There are random cues in your surroundings that’ll remind you of the pain and will trigger you to despair. While it’s important to grieve, it’s also important to help yourself. Take a vacation if you can and give yourself the opportunity to heal.
4. IMAGINE
Reimagine your existence. This is the perfect time to reflect if you’re doing something worthwhile with your life. When was the last time you really challenged yourself or when was the last time you thought of pursuing your passion? Redefine your priorities and uncover ways to make you feel more alive.
5. CREATE
Create something beautiful (may it be for yourself or for others). Don’t let your child’s death go to waste. Maximize your time off by focusing on what’s really important like your health and relationships. Launch a special project. Learn a new skill and challenge yourself to start something meaningful.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds. It’s what you do with it that does. So make your little angel proud. And don’t let his death develop you into nothing.
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If you want to know how I applied these steps to my own recovery, read The 56 solid emotions of my painful miscarriage.
